dear Bec, Bianca, Sammi, Ashleigh, and Rebecca + Bryden
you’re all amazing and I love you all.
I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you all.
but seriously, why are you all so far away.
the last 24 hours.
i went to a place called “Can’t Say” in Melbourne, and it was really awesome - it’s a night club in the tunnels under Flinders Station. it was fun dancing and being in that unknown, crazy state of mind in lights and crowds. just moving to the music, you get lost in a trance. we then went to Cherry and i saw a beautiful boy. and my drunk friend continually told him how lovely he was. we danced to rock music and again got lost in the vibe. we kissed and it was hard to stop.
i stayed at a friends, and we ate cold quiche and drank boracca (i can’t spell) at 4 o’clock in the morning. i then put her to bed with a bucket and we fell fast asleep. we woke up at 10 and put on the night before clothes, and walked down to a lovely french bakery for breakfast. the air was amazing, it had just rained so the air was fresh and cool. and it was lovely walking around in the morning - i should do it more often. we were served by a beautiful boy who’s smile was like a light. we found a organic green grocer so i bought some coloured beans and vegan patties. and then we walked home.
and now i’m finishing homework while listening to Bob Dylan.
i know what i need.
i need love.
i want to feel totally in love with someone.
i haven’t felt that in so long.
and i’ve had this wall up for so long.
i want love.
i’ve fallen in love with so many people. just the way they are, their personalities, their thoughts and the way they view the world. it’s not the “i want to be with you forever” love, it’s the “i love the way you are”.
I want to be wrapped in your arms. But life gets in the way, sickness gets in the way and most of the time what you want most is the last thing you get.
I hate this feeling. I hate how it’s hard to breath whenever I think of losing you. I hate that whenever I make big decisions I always think of you. I hate how my moods can effect you so easily and yours mine. I hate that I always doubt your feelings. I hate that I feel unworthy of this. I hate how I want to tell you all this, but at the moment it would probably make you angry.