i went to a place called “Can’t Say” in Melbourne, and it was really awesome - it’s a night club in the tunnels under Flinders Station. it was fun dancing and being in that unknown, crazy state of mind in lights and crowds. just moving to the music, you get lost in a trance. we then went to Cherry and i saw a beautiful boy. and my drunk friend continually told him how lovely he was. we danced to rock music and again got lost in the vibe. we kissed and it was hard to stop.
i stayed at a friends, and we ate cold quiche and drank boracca (i can’t spell) at 4 o’clock in the morning. i then put her to bed with a bucket and we fell fast asleep. we woke up at 10 and put on the night before clothes, and walked down to a lovely french bakery for breakfast. the air was amazing, it had just rained so the air was fresh and cool. and it was lovely walking around in the morning - i should do it more often. we were served by a beautiful boy who’s smile was like a light. we found a organic green grocer so i bought some coloured beans and vegan patties. and then we walked home.
and now i’m finishing homework while listening to Bob Dylan.
I want to help people, and create events, and change people lives. I want to work with people and organisations, i want to create amazing things.
Everyone’s got their half+ cup of prettiness and I’ve only been given a quarter.
I want a relationship that I could be myself in.. Where I’d have my own space and my own time but while by myself I’d want to be with them. And we wouldn’t watch silly tv shows, we’d watch funny old classic comedies and documentaries about everything and he would be happy around my family and support me and be interested in everything I did. Questions would always be asked, we’d always be asking each other why we wanted what we wanted and why we were doing what we were doing. And it wouldn’t be materialistic and we wouldn’t play by the rules. We would go on spontaneous adventures and fall in love with not only each other, but everything else around us.
Its strange. Kyle and I don’t take photos when we are with each other. It’s strange because photos are such a big part of who I am and I love capturing every moment. But I don’t think I could capture what we have or what we feel? It’s different but I like it. I don’t have photos to remember the moment, I only have the memory of everything, the touches and the laughs and the conversation.
I want to be wrapped in your arms. But life gets in the way, sickness gets in the way and most of the time what you want most is the last thing you get.
I just want to shake so many people and be like “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!”
you know that feeling you get when a family member dies, that feeling of regret. how you wish you spent more time with them, and saw them more. and you feel bad for letting life and work get in the way of family. and now you can never speak to them again, you’ll never know their life story or their hopes and dreams.
all i think of when i think of him is open space, green, earth, food, plants, gardens, wine, italian.
but i regret that i wasn’t there.
